I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
