All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
last night I used snow as a chaser
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
