Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am full of burrito and curiosity
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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