We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you inspire me to be a worse person
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
