That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
