So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
