I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
