Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
