I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
