She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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