oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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