It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
