bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
