remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
