I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need water and some morals
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
