i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
