Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
