I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Farmville is her only friend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
