i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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