I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
