whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
