I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
