I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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