i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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