Yo dont text me then not text me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
