I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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