My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize