I want to have your abortion
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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