i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Vodka?
Forever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Randomize
