you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
