I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize