There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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