God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
