A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
