dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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