I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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