If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
