About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize