you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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