OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
