Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
