Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
