eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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