I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
