i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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