he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize