I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
