yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
