I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
