Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
