I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize