Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
