We're like a lot better than the average bears
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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