mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
