Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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