Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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