I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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