I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
