I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
