Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How's work?
Spinning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
