dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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