As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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