Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
