He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
