our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
