I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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